if i had one wish, it would be for me to find someone who treats me just as good as i treat them. i am so loving and give it my all when it comes to relationships, that i have only been dealt the "douche" card time and time again. i guess im one of those girls who fall for lost causes, and the puppy who needs a home. well im done with those, they are lost causes for a reason. i tired of being cheated on, im tired of being played, im tired of wasting money on guys who EXPECT IT. i want someone who would never try my trust or make me feel bad for being honest. is he out there?

he asked me to go on a trip to florida with him, and i reallllllly want to go, i need a vacation. but im getting the feeling that he asked me out of spite just to say he asked me. im pretty sure he would have more fun and be able to let go if i wasnt there. which is why im telling him i dont want to go.
then he drops a bomb and slyly mentions that his coupld of "friends" are coming in town in a couple weeks. one friend being his ex girlfriend who hes cheated on other girls for. i dont want to be jealous, i dont want to sound crazy, i really dont. but this BUGS the shit outta me.
i dont want to be insecure or jealous, its not an attractive quality on a girl. i dont want to say anything, but your track record led me to be like this. after all you did hook up with my good friend, the day after i fucked you.

i dont know what to say, i guess ill go on a vacation on my own.

BUUUUMMMEEEDDD

a couple of weeks ago, i made plans to go to san fran for a weekend. ever since, i have been checking out hotel prices and saving money, only to find out that now i have no one to go with. im super bummed. i dont even know why i got my hopes up, it was probably never going to happen anyways. whatever, maybe i dont need to be going anyways, maybe ill buy myself a new phone instead.

always the baby

i most definately need to write in this thing more, from now on i am going to try and commit to writing in this thing at least once a week. i want to document my life as a twenty-year-old. so being, i recently found an id and now have the ability to go out and drink. i feel like i have been waiting to become 21 for far too long now. i am forever going to be a baby.


i also am in love with these deena & ozzy cheetah print low heels. someone pleaseeeeee purchase them for me. fuck it, ill sell myself for clothes i need.

boats & hos

recently i caught my "boyfriend" SEXting another girl. we argued, i confronted him he apologized and promised to never do it again, but... i dont believe him, not one bit. im pretty sure he doesnt want to love me since he hasnt told me he does, and im pretty sure hes waiting for something better. Knowing that, i totally feel like a million bucks. if he wants to be with someone else, so be it... your loss man. in the meantime i dont trust you.
ps- it wasnt the texts i saw... it was the naked emails.

yesterday was nice, it was the first real adventure/day tip that i for once didnt have to plan or go out of my way to do. For once someone wanted to spoil me and wanted to take me out and let me choose what i wanted to do as well as left the decisions up to me. I feel like no one ever appreciates me especially after all i do. I wish more people did as much as i do for them. Like maybe take me out or plan a suprise for me. I guess i can only wish.

Trekkie

So i just saw the new Star Trek... umm and i had the strangest attraction to Spock. No, Captain Kirk was not hot at all, he had some skin problems which were clearly apparent throughout the entire movie. but the Vulcan, Spock, was rather hot and his sexual tension only left me wanting more. He is my new latest obsession, but he reminds me of someone, i dont quite know who, but im sure it'll come to me...